Is Superman really Fabulousman?

Is Superman gay? It’s okay if he is. We should be okay with that. He does wear powder blue nylons and red leather boots. And a cape. He’s a bit of a dandy; it’s safe to say. He is very well-groomed. He has great hair.

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This year, America was treated to another Superman movie. Superheroes are enjoying a tremendous rise in popularity lately. That’s understandable considering the prevailing uncertainty and fear that our government encourages. But really, is Superman all that super? If he is a projection of the perfect man, what’s the kryptonite all about? Achilles had his heel, I guess. Sampson’s hair. If I were a feminist, I would say that the kryptonite is quite possibly a symbol of Superman’s fear of inadequacy… erectile dysfunction. Maybe there’s more to that phrase that Superman yells, “Up, up and… away?”

Why doesn’t Superman have sex in the movies? Of course, his costume has no buttons or zippers. And he wears it underneath his clothes. Does he ever take it off? Does he launder it? Does he have a few backups?

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Nietzsche coined the term Superman (Ubermensch). Nietzsche and Superman are both existentialists. Does Superman ever get depressed? Maybe Superman is bipolar. Split personality. Schizophrenic super hero?

Is Lois Lane a member of the so-called liberal media?

A lot of the other superheroes are pretty silly. And honestly, it isn’t fair that men have a Superman while women get stuck with a Wonderwoman. I’d rather be “super” than “wonder.”

We don’t really have myths in this country. We’re not big on legends, unless they play professional sports. So, why do we cling to this high-flying dandy in a fabulous outfit?

The creation of superheroes offers a glimpse into our subconscious and what Carl Jung referred to as our culture’s collective unconscious and… basically, just crap that turns us on. And since we did our best to destroy the myths of North America’s native inhabitants, we employed a collection of disgruntled comic book geeks to create spandexed superheroes and villains with capes, cowls and silly boots. But they always have great hair. Have there been any bald superheroes? Mr. Clean doesn’t count. He’s in sales.

Last year, the US Army was creating a comic book superhero to distribute in the Middle East. Part of their psychological warfare operations. I’m not sure if the comic was ever finished. It’s a great idea, though, isn’t it? If bunker busters can’t subdue the Middle East and eradicate terrorism, drawings of steroid-ripped, fabulously dressed superheroes with unusual powers and undetermined sexual orientation should finish the job.

I was looking at comic book superheroes in other countries and I have to say, Brazil is impressive. Basically, they have a lot of Hot Chick Superheroes. When I was a kid, I would have preferred this to the Batman series and my older brother’s Archie comics.

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As for India… I really love that country, but their superheroes look a little goofy…

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This guy’s name is Shaktimaan.  He’s an Eastern Indian version of Erik Estrada.  Kind of looks like a costume from the Jacksons Victory Tour 1985. Or maybe Earth, Wind & Fire.

Australia celebrates a superhero/detective named Lionel Demane…

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We’ve seen these guys before, haven’t we?

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Mexico can get a little silly..

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The Netherlands created an interesting superhero. Zeeuws Meisje is a farm girl. The story goes that after The Great Traffic Jam, all the roads were useless and agriculture nearly destroyed – except for pickles. This is no Al Gore documentary. I’m not making this up. The Farm Girl doesn’t have any super powers, but solves problems with her very high intelligence.

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I don’t think this would ever work in America. A woman in dowdy farm clothes solving practical environmental problems with simple intelligence? Impossible.

Germany’s Baron Munchhausen is an adventurer who tells incredible stories of riding cannonballs and traveling to the moon.

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He doesn’t wear spandex and his abs are definitely not ripped.

I suppose everyone has their own idea of a superhero based on desires, archetypes and fears.

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I just think we in America can do a little better than Superman. And taking a close look at him with his red, leather boots, cape and hair product – he’s actually more Fabulous Man.

We should create a new superhero that is indisputably better than all the others. Rather than Super, he could be The Best Man. But that’s too matrimonial. He would have to wear a nice tux as a costume. And there would have to be Divorce Man and Mistress as the villains.

Let’s face it, “super” is no longer good enough for us. How about The Greatest Man? Or just The Number One Man? And the villain could be a woman. How about Miss Fit? She could be an athletic, aerobics-obsessed, sexy villain with cut abs and dangerously low body fat.

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2 responses to “Is Superman really Fabulousman?

  1. I like the Superman or Wonder Woman comparison, but couldn’t help noticing (for the first time) that “super” is an adjective, while “wonder” is a noun or a verb. Therefore, clearly, “wonder” cannot describe “woman”, so why is it there? Is she a woman who works wonders (that would be “Wonders Woman”) or a woman who wonders about things? And for the record, wasn’t Lex Luthor bald? I know Daddy Warbucks was bald, and while he wasn’t a villain in the context of the story, he was a war profiteer. That’s pretty villainous if you ask me.

  2. UDAY BANERJEE

    good article

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