I’ve got a great idea. I want to pitch a reality show to TLC or HGTV or Bravo network. A group of designers compete to create a design for the fence on the US border with Mexico. I think it’s brilliant. With the popularity of interior design, who wants an ugly fence?
Grand prize winner spends a week in the Yucatan peninsula where he or she can burn their skin on tourist-infested beaches, visit Mayan ruins where one can imagine (thanks to Mel Gibson) graphic human sacrifices once took place and lose at least 10 pounds drinking local tap water. I can attest to this because I once visited the Yucatan and ate Sopa de Lima (Lime Soup). It looked like pond water and I was rewarded with a vicious case of explosive diarrhea that made long bus trips through the peninsula’s interior particularly adventurous.
So, send in your design ideas! Get crazy! Don’t be afraid to be bold!
Here are a few spit-balled ideas…
Pink Floyd Border… “All in all it’s just another…”
It’s a little plain and could get monotonous after 700 miles but I think it’s classy.
But nothing says classy like a white picket fence. Our fence could be so dainty and elegant that any of our Southern friends would be ashamed to vault over it.
If that doesn’t work. If we can’t make an aesthetic appeal to our neighbors, we could always go with a cost-effective chain-link.
It is a little white trash. When I was a kid, it was understood that only rednecks put chain-link fences in their front-yard, but the backyard was fair game. And the border to the South is America’s backyard. So, I doubt the rest of the world would view us as rednecks for this design.
We could take a page out of Israel’s book and go with something a bit more in the popular penitentiary style.
In fact, if you’re into the metallic look, why hold back? Make it electrifying… It’s almost like Christmas.
Or we could just refuse to spend money on the 700 miles of Senate-approved fence and make it the individual’s responsibility to fence themselves. Less government in our lives. If you live close to the border and have safety concerns about the illicit activities of immigrantes, it should be your own responsibility to buy a fence for each of your loved ones. Something portable, yet secure…
That may be extreme.
Maybe the classic designs are the best. A Southwestern style, rustic, barbed wire fence can be adorable…
photo by: Derrald Farnsworth-Livingston
The old Berlin Wall allowed for artistic expression and could be considered a government sponsored program for the arts…
Ireland’s stone walls are nice…
How about a little, old-fashioned Americana? A border fence modeled on a baseball outfield wall. We can rent out ad space for 700 miles. We can keep Mexicans out and sell shit to them at the same time.
My favorite outfield wall… Fenway Park’s Green Monster Border…
I’m afraid that we must again look to China as a trend-setting country. Not for social concerns or human rights but for no-nonsense practicality. The Great Wall of China is the perfect inspiration for our new border. 700 miles? That’s nothing. The Chinese could construct our wall in a week. The Great Wall was finished over 2000 years ago and spans 4000 miles and a mountain range.
Drawing inspiration from the practicality of the Chinese, we should hire Mexican laborers to build our wall. This idea is also inspired by the time my family built a wood fence around our backyard. We asked the neighbors to chip in and finish both sides of the fence with nice wood slats. The cheap family on one side of us didn’t want to chip in, so we left their side unfinished.
So, here’s how it works. We have Mexican laborers work on our side, first. Add a nice stone finish – we can get cheap supplies and labor from Mexico. Once they begin working on their own side of the wall, we cut funding.
It sounds a little cold, but Mexico should pay if they want their side of the fence beautiful, too. It’s only fair. And if we want to compete with China, we need to start by building the Great Wall of America.
These are just ideas. I want to see America’s designs.
Good luck! Let’s make a beautiful border!