Why must actors start a band?

Is it me or is there something a little silly about this?  Is it just the fact that they both are wearing crisp, white shirts?  Sadly, it has become the natural evolution for actors who find sucess on the big screen to start a band.  Why?  They should be stopped from doing this. 

It was cool when Bill & Ted did that funny air guitar thing in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, but that doesn’t mean they can play the guitar in real life, right? 

There’s a weird disconnect with actors between what’s real and what isn’t.  Maybe we all share that disconnect.  The line between truth and reality, fantasy and fiction has never been so difficult to determine.   Reality shows on television.  They aren’t real.  They’re scripted, cast and manipulated in an editing room.  Our lives don’t have goofy music accompanying embarrassing moments.  Well, mine does.  

Memoirs, blogs.  Where is truth?  The chasm has widened between truth and what we consider reality.  Young kids play video games that are so real, they have trouble making the distinction between fantasy and reality.  And there’s a physicist who theorizes that the universe is just a three-dimensional projection of information stored in 2 dimensions at the boundary of space.  Like a holograph.  That theory makes this picture bearable…

Yes, that’s Steven Seagal.  He looks a little like fat Elvis in Vegas.  Maybe he isn’t really playing the guitar but employing it as a unique, six string martial arts weapon.  This photograph confirms that theory…

It also indicates that this particular solo is causing the former martial arts star considerable intestinal distress. 

I find the following picture puzzling because Bruce Willis wears the hat and sunglasses that actors often wear to disguise themselves while at the same time he exploits his fame to subject an audience to his singing…

It’s kind of like he’s saying… Don’t look at me.  Look at me.  Don’t look at me.

As for the following clip featuring Juliette Lewis… well, I find it very disturbing.

I guess it’s just an extension of her disturbing performance in an early Melissa Etheridge video. 

Yeah, talk about blurring the line between reality and fantasy.  And then there’s the completely delusional…

Trashing hotel rooms does not necessarily make one a rock star.  I don’t know if I resent him for this performance or admire the balls it takes for a man who is obvioiusly tone deaf to stand up and sing in front of a large crowd of people.  I hope he doesn’t convince himself that he’s really a gladiator and fight real lions because I think he’s a talented actor. 

Try this one.  I don’t even know what to say.  This is Jada Pinkett Smith on Letterman…

It has to stop.  They should be arrested and spanked.  It’s all very confusing. 

There’s only one actor who should be singing or dancing…

Maybe we all live in a hazy world between what is real and what is fantastic.  And maybe that’s okay.  Technology has allowed the graphic expression of our collective unconscious.  We’ve never really seen it displayed so explicitly.  It’s exciting and terrifying.  We are after all, the authors of our own memories, architects of our own reality.    Just ask Steven Seagal.  And maybe it’s all just a three-dimensional projection.

So, as Eddie Murphy once belted out – in a strange mix of serious pop star and comic impersonation – My girl wants to party all the time, party all the time, party all the time…

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2 responses to “Why must actors start a band?

  1. My friend just built a custom studio with fine woods and great details for one actor. When he went to check back the actor was using it and could not sing for the life of them. It’s as though they are trying to play the role of a singer.

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